Let us know what you think! If you have any questions or criticisms of the work you’ve seen here on this web site, we’d love to hear from you. Just send them to feedback@darkcrazy.com or check out my blog and post your comments yourself! Let it not be said that the Dark Crazy isn't dedicated to giving the common man a voice! Check in, tell us what you think of the site, or just ramble on about crap that doesn't really matter. That's what I do.
GILBERT0
POST_WILSON11-15-05_8:47:30PM
Have I mentioned my struggle with imdb? These dirty turds mock me. They wouldn't
approve of my name being Jason "C" Wilson. I resubmitted the "C"
and they accepted it, but didn't change my name... they just stuck it in my
bio..."aka Jason C. Wilson". Cunts. They also won't approve my bio...
"born and raised in"... you know the shit. Anyways, they approved
of my wife's name and my height. Somehow they could confirm that, but not
my birthplace and cockweight. Whatever.
So if they ever approve of all my shit, "The Bug" will be up
there as a film. They don't seem to accept that a movie called "The Bug"
could exist. I don't know why. My blood pressure is rising thinking about
those nuns in that imdb office toying with my emotions. You know the place
is run by nuns, right? Hurtful, coldblooded nuns. I don't why they're nuns...
I suppose they love the lord or something.
At the same time you were harassing me for a bio across the left pond in Hawaii,
a buddy of mine has been setting up a website about a band I was in (13 years
ago)... I was havin' to write a bio and get pics and what not for him, too.
He's got it pretty much up today. Visit if ya get bored.... www.lbacheaters.com.
Look in bands at Round Ear Spock. Enjoy, cunt.
REPLY_GILBERTO11-16-05_07:30:35AM
Very cool. Maybe I should brave the rigors of the IMDB process also. I'd like to make a link to your friend's site. That way everyone can see how sweet you were back in the days before the world broke you.
REPLY_WILSON11-16-05_07:20:00PM
Yeah, the world broke me... that's an understatement. You know there are
certain firsts a man remembers. The first time he tastes the sweet nectar
of woman... the first time he tips a stripper... the first time he bludgeons
a homeless man and drinks his blood for fun. Yeah, it's been quite a ride
my friend. Good times... good times.
Get bent,
wilson
POST_WILSON11-12-05_8:46:30PM
GILBERTO - Send me your address pronto.
REPLY_WILSON11-13-05_12:08:00AM
She fought real hard....oohhhhh you such a super lady... I've been so lonely.
Hurry up on that address... did I mention pronto (i.e. asap, monkian).
Oh... and I'm keeping the sierra... I GOT FUCKIN' SHOT IN THE FACE... ARE
WE SQUARE?
Get the lead out, chubby.
REPLY_WILSON_11-13-05_01:33:15AM
I'll never understand your obsession with hurting me… doesn't it make
you sad to see what you do to me? I'm sitting here all alone, drinking crown
and coke in the dark, gazing wantingly at the monitor waiting on your reply.
WHY DOES IT GOTS TO HURT? Answer that, cletus. You don't have an answer ,
do you? DO YOU? I can't trust you with my feelings anymore.
I think I finally know what it sounds like when doves cry.
Send that address, boy.
REPLY_GILBERTO_11-13-05_09:14:17AM
Now I'm really afraid to ask. What keeps Wilson up nights waiting for an e-mail
reply from me? And why does he need my address in a matter of hours? If I
get a human head in the mail, you know who I'm coming after first, right?
Yeah, then I'll be getting the lead out, all right. Hot lead, you catch?
Something has been done here that cannot be undone...
REPLY_WILSON11-13-05_01:33:40PM
Eat shit, pocahontas. If I were you I'd welcome the idea of a human head being
sent. Many uses, that human head. Door stop... mantle piece... nifty conversational
material on your coffee table. Oh yeah...
And you could fuck it.
POST_GILBERTO10-25-05_09:00:00AM
I'm feeling a little weird right now because I just broke up with my girlfriend.
Not my real girlfriend, my virtual girlfriend. And not virtual in the sense
that I met her online; virtual in the sense that she isn't real at all. She
was my girlfriend in a freakin' video game. And not one of those almost as
good as the real thing "I wish I was a real boy" interactive reality
games like the Sims, but Grand Theft Auto! In a game dedicated to shooting
people in the face with a sawed-off shotgun, there was still room not only
for me to get a girlfriend, but to also be dumped by her.
Ours was a whirlwind affair: I was torching a house at the request of a crooked cop when I realized someone was trapped inside. I rushed in and rescued her, only to find she lived in my neighborhood, right around the corner from the gym where I work out. We started going out. She wanted to start her own beauty parlor, and I wanted to rule the San Andreas gangs. She was one of those low maintenance kind of chicks, you know, she just wanted to cruise around and do drive-bys on rival gang members. We had so much in common, but I was pre-occupied with annexing turf and, feeling neglected, she dumped me. Oh Denise, where was it we drifted apart?
Now, breaking up with a video game girlfriend is a lot like breaking up with a real girlfriend. I went to a strip club, got a lap dance, all the usual stuff. But then I got mad and crashed an ambulance into her house and blew up her car, which is something you can't do in real life. At least, it's not a good idea, anyway.
So I ask you: are video games going too far? GTA is the first game I've played since the days of old school Nintendo, so is this normal? I think technology is riding a thin line between building a better world and completely running amok, but what's the point if these guys are using their big brains just to invent new means by which we can be digitally dumped, then what's the point? If even technology - with its vast and wondrous powers - can't create so much as a fictional woman that I'm capable of pleasing, then what good is it?
REPLY_DAVE10-25-05_09:33:00AM
Dude, you need help! Hand me the Uzi and we'll really go to town on her ass!
REPLY_GILBERTO10-25-05_12:16:58PM
You my dog, money. That was spoken like a true homie.
REPLY_ALICIA10-25-05_09:45:05AM
I don't even watch TV very often, so this is all very strange to me....here's
my advice: turn off the electronics and enjoy LIFE!!!!!
REPLY_GILBERTO10-25-05_12:20:44PM
Let's not cloud the issue with logic here. We all have our little distractions.
I don't point at the strings in your puppet show!
REPLY_BROOKS10-25-05_12:44:40PM
Don't sweat it, Denise was kind of a pain. You're next girlfriend is much
cooler. Just wait. You'll see.
REPLY_WILSON10-26-05_10:52:50PM
You e-mail a lot of shit that I don't read. This one I opened again tonight
to see if I was missing something important. I couldn't let this slide by
without comment. Now to be fair, I still haven't read it... I saw something
about you getting dumped and something about a crooked cop. Here are my thoughts
on your
situation involving you getting dumped by a crooked cop....
First, you have no business dating a crooked cop... not 'cause of some
wildly conservative idea of you being with a dude (note my subtle sexism in
this comment... I am a white blue-eyed devil, after all). I'm OK with this,
my overcoat wearing friend. I think you have a moral obligation, however,
to make sure that wrongs are righted in the world. If this cat is crooked,
then you need to go get Yablonski or whoever his superior is... maybe Barney
Miller(?)... and turn him in. He is probably shaking down every fuckin'
laundromat down in that little corner of hell you live in. YOU MUST ACT NOW.
Second, your problem is you got no game. You're strollin' around, showin' a bit too much of the gams, if I must be honest. If you want a real man, you gotta get with the program, mister. You are pretty. You don't need to be sluttin' it up on River Street. There are plenty of good wholesome cops in your area that will treat you right. What is it with your fucking generation? You don't want a good guy... you all want the one that will treat you badly. Well, I think it's high time you reconsidered this plan of attack, Cletus. You ain't gettin' no younger... oh GOD NO.
My friend, take a long look in the mirror and decide what it is that is best for you and your child. Run, don't walk, to a nearby church or library and make yourself available to a man with a nice smile, warm disposition, and a steady income. If not for you, for your son.
I say this not to hurt you, but because someone probably cares....not me necessarily, but I'm guessing someone does.....
POST_WILSON10-26-05_10:32:00PM
Favorite Cancelled Show: Misfits of Science.
REPLY_GILBERTO10-27-05_01:00:45PM
Good one! Old School Courteney Cox meets Predator with no make-up.
POST_GILBERTO10-23-05_08:21:55PM
STARKY - I like your latest column
and perfect10
list, but I am seeing a pattern develop here. Don't you think you're being
a little hard on the suits for basically canceling shows that weren't pulling
their weight? I know Fox has a big casualty list, but that's because they
greenlight more genre shows than any other network. Unfortunately, they're
just as quick to axe shows that don't perform. I'll allow that they dead zoned
shows like "Firefly" and "Space: Above and Beyond" by
assigning them Friday night kill slots from the beginning, but "Sliders"
had several seasons on Fox before they finally handed it off to the Sci Fi
channel. I think cancellation would have been more of a kindness, because
no one has done more to undermine quality genre programming than the Sci Fi
Channel. They killed "FarScape" a year earlier than its planned
final season not because it had poor ratings, but because it was more expensive
than those crappy "Stargate" shows.
Fox has at least shown that if a show has a strong enough cult following and is critically successful, they'll give it a shot. "24" wasn't a ratings powerhouse at the beginning, but the people who did watch it loved it so much that they stayed the course until it found its audience. Fox brings in too many new shows to promote them all equally, but when they decide to promote something it's impossible to miss it. They also lead the league in releasing TV shows on DVD, part of the reason "Firefly" was able to get a movie deal with Universal. And don't forget: When Fox cancelled "Firefly", Joss Whedon shopped it around to every other network - cable and otherwise - including the Sci Fi Channel. When you look at it that way, Fox is actually the only network that gave it a shot at all.
It seems to me like too often producers of genre programming fail to make their shows accessible to mainstream audiences, hence low ratings, hence cancellation. With "Firefly" and "Serenity", Joss Whedon has had more opportunities to reach mainstream audiences than most people are entitled to, but while creating a story and characters that have carved their name into sci fi history, he's failed to present the story in such a way as to allow the average movie goer to get on board.
Which is why I think you're right that producers of genre shows should seek alternative means of distribution, like TV syndication. It's just too bad that we don't have an outlet where ongoing series can be created strictly for DVD release. "Firefly" would kick ass in DVD sales. That's actually George Lucas' plan for his new "Star Wars" TV show. In EW he said he plans to produce 13 episodes, and if he doesn't find an interested distributor, he'll just make a DVD boxed set out of them. Too bad not every TV production company has that kind of money…
POST_STARKY10-12-05_12:02:03PM
This is very exciting new technology. We need to find a way to make use of
this.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20051012/wr_nm/applecomputer_imac_dc
REPLY_GILBERTO10-13-05_11:25:41AM
I see video podcasting in the near future. I mean, what would you rather see,
me doing the Duck Suit Shuffle for free, or "desperate housewives"
for $2 an episode? They must be high.
POST_GILBERTO10-11-05_09:10:43PM
Movin' on up…
http://www.dreamingmethods.com/page.asp?idno=8
REPLY_STARKY10-12-05_09:29:43AM
Was this completely unsolicited? That's great!
I really like the layout of their site, too. We should apply some of this to our site.
REPLY_GILBERTO10-12-05_09:40:41AM
It's not unsolicited. I am engaging in a massive campaign to get the site
noticed. But I didn't solicit him to say such nice things about us, so it
still falls in the "W" column for me.
POST_GILBERTO10-10-05_09:03:07AM
Is it bad when you're ready to go home at 9AM? Like, every day?
REPLY_ALICIA10-10-05_09:08:00AM
Not bad, but normal...if it was fun, they'd call it "play", that's
my motto at least!!
REPLY_GILBERTO10-10-05_10:21:02AM
I think if it were called play it would still suck. People play football,
but it doesn't look like any fun at all, some people play piano or violin,
and that just looks like effort. I think the best things are the ones there
are no words for. When I'm sitting around watching TV and basically getting
nothing accomplished, there isn't a word for it, but damn is it nice. Avoid
all verbs, that's my new motto, except, in accordance with the motto, it just
comes out " all verbs".
REPLY_ALICIA10-10-05_10:35:23AM
You're very complicated with all your jargon....are you sure you wouldn't
rather not think so much about it as thinking itself is work. So is typing
all your thoughts out. My fingers are tired already!! :)
REPLY_GILBERTO10-10-05_10:56:10AM
Everything is making my brain hurt. Thinking is a verb too, isn't it? From
now on I will only be approached from the direct objective rather than the
subjective: Sleep overtook Sean, the television program was enjoyable to Sean,
a friend scooped Sean off the pavement and took him home...
REPLY_ALICIA10-10-05_10:58:36AM
Hunger overook Sean, so food was served to him at the Exchange. How's that?
REPLY_GILBERTO10-10-05_11:31:20AM
I really think we're onto something here…
REPLY_ALICIA10-10-05_11:34:08AM
There you go thinking again. What you MEANT was the thought that we're on
to something came to you...
POST_WILSON10-08-05_12:36:36PM
Ahhh...the power of editing. Love, Wilson
Click on the link to IFILM.com below:
POST_WILSON10-06-05_01:28:28PM
I think this guy needs your help. It sounds serious. Will you be able to aid
him?
________________________________________
From: "cheung pui"
Subject: WRITE BACK.
>FROM MR PUI.
>
>Let me start by introducing my self as Mr Pui.I am a banker with the
>Hang Seng Bank Hong Kong and also a knight in the honk kong
>cathedral.My Catheral is actually trying to expand its arena by
>trying to establish other cathedral all over the world;and as
>therefore demand and also with the conjuntion of our bank to build
>other chapter all over the world.
>
>As a foreigner we appeal that you come up by showing your interest
>in executing this mission and you shall be rewarded greatly.30% of
>the $24.5 million already deposited by the church in my bank shall
>be paid directly to your account if you could help to build a
>catheral in your country.
>
>If interested i would like that you write via the email address
>below.
>
>Regards
>
>Mr Pui.
>
>Manager director of operations.
>
>Hang Seng Bank LTD.
REPLY_GILBERTO10-06-05
We should get him together with Mr. Leu Shan from China Metallurgical. They
seem to be having similar problems. But who knows? Maybe if we put them together
they'd be like chocolate and peanut butter.
REPLY_WILSON10-06-05
Or Gramma and Grampa...boy did they fight....
POST_GILBERTO10-04-05_09:36:30PM
What is the deal with the Olsen twins? I just lost a $5 bet - I believe unjustly
- over whether or not the Olsen twins are identical. It seems common sense
to me, since they played the same character on TV 'til they were, like, ten
years old, but apparently all these web sites are saying they are fraternal
twins. But they're all saying pretty much the same thing in the same way.
I think this is a load of crap cooked but by their publicists to explain why
one looks rode hard and put away wet while the other looks the same, but they
can't just be fraternal twins all of a sudden just because one's a coke monkey
and the other isn't! I want answers! Dig deep! There's a candy bar in it for
the first person who can dig up some evidence to support my assertion.
REPLY_TRACY10-05-05_11:54:34AM
You just can't go down gracefully. I'm still pretty confident victory will
be mine.
REPLY_GILBERTO10-05-05_12:27:30PM
I don't do nothin' gracefully. My feelers are out there now, baby, and it's
only a matter of time until this whole house of cards comes crashing down.
REPLY_WILSON10-05-05_07:35:44PM
I found out that Ashley's favorite subject is math. What was the question
again?
REPLY_NURI10-05-05
Sorry, but I have to go the other way on this. The terms 'identical' and 'fraternal'
only describe differences in conception; which may explain subtle differences
in looks. So who the fuck cares, anyway? This sounds like the faint beginnings
of another 'baldwin' discussion ; )
REPLY_GILBERTO10-06-05_08:15:40AM
Ah, but that still supports my point! The differences in conception are that
fraternal twins are the result of two separate eggs being fertilized who incubate
separately, but simultaneously. These twins can have completely separate traits,
even be different genders. Identical twins are the result of a single egg
splitting into two after it is fertilized. Identical twins get their name
from the fact that they share almost the same genetic makeup, and are therefore
physically identical. Fraternal twins have no greater chance of looking physically
identical than two separate siblings. And it's not the importance of the issue,
it's the principle of the thing. They're pullin' the wool, and I don't like
it.
REPLY_NURI10-06-05
Honey, I don't need, nor do I recall asking for the crash course in sex-ed.
And I have found that identical twins look more alike than fraternal, that's
why I threw in the line about semblance, and anyone with half an eyeball can
see they barely look alike. So there.
REPLY_GILBERTO10-06-05_11:19:10AM
But they barely look alike now, as in lately. They started out looking alike!
They're just claiming to be fraternal twins all of sudden because one of them
went and got herself lookin' all weird.
REPLY_NURI10-06-05_02:40:29PM
Oh, you know you love it - Walter!
POST_GILBERTO09-30-05
NERD ALERT: I'm not one to rouse the rabble, but thought I'd send out a little
reminder that "Serenity" is in theaters today. I don't know if you've
ever watched "Firefly" or if you have any idea what I'm talking
about, but if you're a fan of Joss Whedon, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel,
or whatever, you might want to run out to the movies this weekend. I'm just
sayin'...
REPLY_BROOKS09-30-05
How much is this Whedon character paying you? Come clean! You're on the take!
Admit it!
REPLY_WILSON09-30-05
Jesus H. Christ, will you be able to miss tonight's episode of Dr.Who to go
see it, poindexter?
Nerds are my mortal enemy... much like the eskimo.
REPLY_GILBERTO10-01-05_08:08:46PM
Yes, you are indeed the anti-nerd, with your basement full of superhero dolls.
Oh, I'm sorry, that's supposed to be action figures, isn't it?
POST_BROOKS10-01-05
I went to see your movie last night. Are you happy?
REPLY_GILBERTO10-01-05
What did you think of the movie? It seemed to be written for Firefly people,
but I don't know if it's very nonfanboy-friendly. It also seemed more like
the last episode of Firefly than the first installment of a new franchise.
REPLY_BROOKS10-01-05
I liked the movie, though I can see what you mean by it being an elaborate
episode instead of a standalone movie. I watched the first disc of the series
DVD so I wasn't completely new to the characters, so I don't know how easily
understood it might be to someone completely new to it.
REPLY_WILSON10-03-05_10:13:29PM
I LOVE MY DEAD GAY SON.
REPLY_GILBERTO10-04-05_-5:47:46PM
You're a sweetheart. I will speak well of you when you're gone.
REPLY_WILSON10-04-05_07:37:08PM
I will build a statue made of poo to honor you when you're gone. The children
will walk by and say, "mommy, who was that funny lookin' poo man?".
Their mothers will look solemnly back at the bewildered young children and
say, "shut your fucking picadilly hole or i'll quit feeding you."
See the trouble you've caused? Even in death you are wreaking havoc for carbon
based life forms. go to hell, Charlie.
POST_BROOKS09-29-05
Check out http://www.geocities.com/horrorhostunderground/html/pdlist.htm
Carnival of Souls is on there. And Manos the Hands of Fate. That one was an MST3K movie. I wonder if this is where they get their material?
REPLY_GILBERTO09-29-05
Apparently, according to my cousin, they used to do MST3K as a cable access
show, so they didn't ever get permission from anyone. Then later on they got
limited rights to certain movies when they got picked up by Comedy Central,
which is why you never see those older episodes on SciFi after SciFi picked
them up, because they didn't have the rights to transfer the use of the license.
And that's why you don't see that many of the MST3K movies on DVD, because
they only have video distribution rights to some of the movies. It's this
whole big thing.
POST_STARKY09-15-05_ 08:19:40AM
By the way, I watched the pilot and second episode of Firefly. This show is
awesome! The pilot rocked, but you can tell in the second episode where the
Fox execs started mucking around with the concept. The captain's character
was really affected, he was much more jovial in the second episode. Damn pencilpushers
!!!!
REPLY_GILBERTO09-15-05_12:44:25PM
You are absolutely correct. The second episode is actually the second pilot
Whedon submitted to Fox after they rejected the first one. Not only is the
humor bumped up (which proves to be a good thing by the end of the series),
but it's more of a traditional action-oriented Western story, which is what
Fox wanted. That episode actually aired as the first episode, and the original
pilot didn't air until very near the end of the show's run. It all worked
out for the best, but the differences between those two episodes pretty much
illustrates the creative dispute between Whedon and Fox which led to the show's
quick and inevitable demise.
POST_GILBERTO08-04-05
WILSON - I think I'll be in Atlanta this weekend. I'd kinda like to swing
through Carrollton on Friday. Will you be around in the afternoon or evening?
REPLY_WILSON08-04-05_10:02:44AM
I probably won't be back 'til kinda late friday...closer to 9 or 10 I would
guess. Will you touch me?
REPLY_GILBERTO08-04-05
No touch for you, I am jilted for the last time....
REPLY_WILSON08-04-05_01:34:31PM
This is a fatal mistake my friend....the die is cast.
REPLY_GILBERTO08-04-05_06:08:23PM
And so it begins...
REPLY_WILSON08-04-05_07:42:38PM
That's right...it does begin.....right now
REPLY_GILBERTO08-05-05
(last word freak...)
REPLY_WILSON08-05-05
No, me.
The Great Nonsense Debate
Deconstructing some of my conversations with people wouldn't be possible for verbal exchanges, but in the context of e-mail I can at least take a brief look at how weird my communications with my friends are becoming.
Bear in mind, there is no preamble to this exchange. It begins exactly this way…
Wilson: youve crossed the line, fucko. i wont forget this day fornever and
never. eat it and while youre at it, sit on it, potsy.
I AM A DELICATE FLOWER.
Gilberto: should I even try to guess at what you're talking about? is this about those naked pictures? because I can explain that...
Wilson: you cant begin to know my tree
Gilberto: "Is this going to be one of those stories where your 'special friend' turns out to be yoga?" - Hank Hill
Wilson: tu boca es mia
Gilberto: Your next great catch phrase…
Wilson: you sassin me?
Gilberto: I'm just tryin' ta get in your world, man…
Wilson: you cant handle my world. its full of spiders and snakes and coconuts...a surly, wild jungle of despair. bring your numchuks.
Gilberto: I don't fight with nunchuks, no sir, it's string salami and lawn darts all the way for me.
Wilson: you dont understand your enemy
Gilberto: I don't have to understand, I just have to be.
Wilson: you gotta do more than just "be". you dont understand the nature of sunshine by just "being". you dont understand the nature of evil lynn by just "being". youve gotta give it more than that. thats what separates us from the common college professor; the idea that to "be" is not enough...if you wanna "be", teach college english...if you wanna "do", you go out and get a real fuckin job and make a real fuckin livin instead of soaking up money, teaching about "being".
And so it will go, continuing usually until another equally pointless exchange
crops up to replace it.
