"Knowledge is the only kind of wealth that multiplies when you give it away." Peter Schwartz
Seriously, do you really give a fuck about any of that jive? Democrats think we're afraid of the Goddamn rain and Republicans think we're afraid of what will happen if the gays start marrying. But who's looking out for you, America? Who's looking out for the little in the middle? That's me, baby. I'm one of you. Do I always pay my bills? Fuck no. Do I have good credit? Whatever. I know what it's like to step over a pile of dog vomit you just don't feel like cleaning up to cook a kielbasa and kraut on the stove top for dinner, and you've gotta turn on the oven light to see because the kitchen light went out and the landlord hasn't gotten around to fixing it yet. I know what it's like to work a job that makes you wonder if you've pissed away your whole life or if you're just doing what you're supposed to be doing. I know how to get by when you barely make enough money to make the rent. I don't even own a suit I could wear to the debates if I even got invited. I'd have to show up in a Gilberto 2008 T-shirt (which I haven't had time to have made yet). But this is the point, I think.
America is about guys like me, doing what they've gotta do to keep it together and keeping their dreams alive in the process. I don't fear the gays, as the Republicans seeem to. They may marry each other, if they like (I mean, what are you afraid of? It's not like they'll be making little gay babies or anything). And for that matter, let them adopt kids if that's what they want. The system's overloaded with kids that need a home. I don't fear the weather, either, like the Democrats. FUCK YOU AND YOUR HYBRID TOO. If you're really worried about gas emissions, be a man and get the electric car out of mothballs. Stand for something if you believe in it. Otherwise bring me a juice box while I work out important things.
I support amnesty for all aliens who are here to make a good life for themselves, so long as immigrating to this country is their only crime. I support the legalization of all drugs. If you want to fuck yourself up, go ahead, but if you so much as jaywalk under the influence you're going to jail. Legal prostitution seems to be working in Nevada, too. This world might just be better off if we let a guy catch a nut without busting his balls over it. And we could look out better for the women who provide these services if we didn't make them a social pariah for doing it. I'm just sayin'...
And am I soft on the war front? I gotta admit, I'm not a war kinda guy. But if you come lookin' for a fight, I'm ready. I don't have money in oil or friends in Saudi Arabia. If I spearhead the war on terror, I'm following the stink of terrorist wherever it leads me. I don't give half a fuck if you decide you're the King of Shitsville or the God of Sandland, if you kill Americans you're the mayor of Cratertown until I decide to let you rebuild.
I'm the little guy. I come from nothin' and I've got nothin' to lose. Don't fuck with me. My America is a pretty rough place, but we know what we stand for.
What do you stand for?
The Dark Crazy Presidential Candidate:
EL GILBERTO
"But who's looking out for you, America? Who's looking out for the little in the middle? That's me, baby. I'm one of you."
Hasselhof vs. Earth, Bitches
by Jason Wilson
I woke from a dead sleep with this on my brain...
Hasselhoff vs. Earth...you can’t deny it. He will
obliterate you. Ninjas challenge him, but he takes each individual motherfucker
and breaks them into 7 pieces. Not just 7 random pieces, mind you, but 7 pieces
that are exactly the same size. This is
how Hasselhoff rolls.
The ladies can’t deny his dominance. If his chest
hair don’t get ‘em, the fancy car will. The ladies love a smooth
car and guess what, bitches... this car talks too. “Say ladies, have
you been in the backseat yet?” That’s right, it’s as smooth
as he is. There have been times that someone has challenged this car, but
it was a fuckin’ evil ass semi driven by a candyass Hasselhoff look-a-like.
He was nothin’. However, we did learn an important lesson from this
evil Hasselhoff... the power of
the mustache cannot be underestimated.
The only man strong enough to challenge Hasselhoff is Tom
Selleck. His hairy chest and the intimidating presence of his sexy fur lip
strike something deep within Hasselhoff. Smooth cars and mad karate skills
won’t defeat this powerhouse of
sophistication, known as Selleck.
Hasselhoff’s only hope is to team up with he that
is referred to as, simply, “Higgins”. This dangerously debonair
duo stand a chance at wiping Selleck off the face of the planet. A little
planet known as Earth. The one Hasselhoff intends on
taking, bitches.
Check out Defenders of the Faith, the first book in the Unlikely Heroes series of fantasy novels.
After I graduated college and announced my intention to become a filmmaker, my parents were very supportive. But my dad offered me this cautionary tale:
"There was this young kid who ran away to join the circus. His family hadn't heard from him for years when they finally found him at a traveling carnival, cleaning up after the elephants.
"His father said to him 'why don't you just quit this job and come on home, son?'
"The young man looked at his father with surprise and said 'what? And leave show business?'
"So, son, follow your dream if that's what you want to do. Just make sure over the years that you know the difference between being in show business and shoveling shit."
For most people there isn't much difference. Especially in the information age, where people can make movies in their basements and put them out on the internet, everyone is vying for attention. The market is saturated.
There's a scene in "Walk the Line" where young Johnny Cash is walking down the street and sees young Elvis cutting a record through the window of a one-room studio. He walks in with his band and cuts a 45 on the spot. Setting aside the fact that... CONTINUED ON PG. H3
